Surviving Other People’s Self-Esteem

Here is a short excerpt from my latest book,Surviving Other People’s Self Esteem . It is a book about social acceptance and social comparison, and the lengths some people go to just to feel better about themselves by feeling better than you.

“BEING OKAY

 I feel that as social beings we have a need to connect with others, to feel valued and have our experiences validated. There are times however when we can become too dependent on what we think others think about us. I sometimes think of it as, ‘I’m okay if you tell me I’m okay.’ For example I’m only good at this if you tell me I am, I’m only nice looking if you find me attractive, I’m only a success if I pass the test and so on.

Sometimes it’s a case of, ‘I’m okay if you’re okay.’ This is when we go out of our way to please others in the hope that they will be pleased with us. Remember falling in love with someone for the first time? That being head over heels, the world’s a lovely place, nothing is too much effort as you go out of your way to please your partner buying gifts, surprising them, praising them, pleasing them etc.  We loved the look on their face when they’re pleased. We love how it feels that they feel good, and we caused it. We feel good too.

When I think of healthy self-esteem I like to think, ‘I’m okay because I feel okay. I look okay. I sound okay. I’m doing okay…… I still like to hear it from you though.’ Again though, as social beings we compare ourselves to others and they compare themselves to us. This comparing will either inspire us or cause us feelings of bitterness, and to become a hater. In this book I’ll look at how people can sometimes feel threatened by others’ ‘okay-ness’ and try to explain why they may feel that, and look at managing it. ”

It is available on Kindle, ibooks, Kobo and many other e-reading devices. It can also be downloaded via apps on most ipads, tablets, smartphones and laptops.

 

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Tags: book, self esteem