Emotional Neglect in Adult Relationships

Emotional neglect differs from emotional abuse. Abuse normally involves doing something to someone else that causes some kind of harm. This could be for example name calling. Neglect may involve failure of say a parent to show a level of attention or affection to provide emotional well-being to a child.

Emotional neglect also takes place in adult relationships. For example when one partner isn’t providing the kind of emotional support they should. I believe the nature of an adult relationship is one of mutual benefit and the desire to feel significant to someone. Emotional support provides appropriate affection and understanding in a relationship. It can be hard to feel significant if you feel neglected.

Abuse is easier to spot as it usually involves an overt action that has the desired effect of harming another. Neglect is harder to spot as it involves omissions. The neglectful partner is doing ‘nothing wrong’.

The types of emotional support in adult relationships come in different forms. Not just emotional but physical and behavioural as well. These may include physical interactions such as kissing, hugging and sexual intercourse. Other forms include helping each other in difficult situations, spending time together, listening, being patient and empathizing.

Being neglectful isn’t necessarily one person forgetting to do something for the other. Nor is it perhaps providing something other than what they want or need. It is when there’s a consistency in failing to provide the emotional support to the other’s needs. Someone who won’t have sex after an argument isn’t necessarily neglectful. However saying no, putting up barriers, obstacles, placing conditions to everything could be. As the omissions or denials become normal some people who have been neglected may begin to feel as if even having any needs at all is selfish.

I think a good indicator may be if someone is consistently refused support when asked for. Other examples could be one person spending more time at work or with others than their partner, or a lack of any physical contact.

Something to be aware of is that you or your partner may not know they are neglectful. We are all different and have different levels of need. The neglect may come from difficulties outside the relationship. There may be previous trauma, not able to recognize another’s needs, autism and so on.

The effects of neglect can be as harmful as abuse. So being aware you feel neglected is a healthy place to start to address the difficulties in the relationship.

Relationship counselling may be able to help couples express, understand and address each others needs appropriately.

 

#emotionalneglect

Tags: abuse, neglect, relationship counselling, support