Assertiveness versus Aggression

Sometimes people can find it difficult to separate assertiveness from aggression. Perhaps there have been times when others have asserted themselves with us aggressively and that we didn’t like how we felt about that encounter. Others may find it hard to assert themselves as they may have never felt valued or listened to, so out of frustration they become aggressive, or passive aggressive when trying to get their own way.

Whether it’s in work or at home there can be confusion and even difficulty in separating assertiveness and aggression. But I believe that if you remember aggression is more about domination and control whereas assertiveness is just communicating your needs, values, and boundaries confidently.

Here are a few ideas to help with assertiveness whilst avoiding aggression.

First of all be aware of your values and boundaries. This can help give a sense of control over a situation and allow others to manage their expectations. Perhaps statie how you could be working together or how you’d  like to discuss certain issues.

Don’t expect others to be mind readers and know what you’re thinking and feeling. Tell people exactly what you expect from them and why you expect it. Expect to be listened to and to be respected. When you do you more than likely will be.

Sit up straight and make eye contact as you articulate your position clearly. Create a good rapport with others if you can to help a positive impact to the interaction. Think about what you want to say and perhaps say it in a matter of fact way rather than apologetically or angrily.

Try to begin with ‘I’ rather than ‘You’ statements, and acknowledge other people’s needs, experiences and efforts.

It’s okay to feel angry or disappointed if you feel disrespected or things don’t go your way. Try to remain calm and in control as you communicate your thoughts and feelings. Repeat what you want and why. When you’re wrong then don’t be afraid to admit it. When you outline consequences, such as withholding of privileges then carry them out. If you don’t respect your own boundaries then neither will other people. If you have to then be prepared to walk away.

Being assertive might not be easy at first but remember to be patient with yourself and practice. Aggression also is a habit we can slip easily into. A good place to start with being assertive is to remember to take yourself seriously.

#assertiveness #aggression #anger

Tags: aggression, anger, assertive, confidence