Fear of being called wrong

The fear of being called wrong can be quite debilitating. In fact it can be more frightening than the realization that our life may be quite stagnant and sad and that we could be so much more. It affects our ability to make choices and decisions and is usually enforced by our various relationships and peer groups. Understanding this fear and how it affects us can help us overcome it.

We feel this fear at different times in our lives. Usually when trying something new or breaking a bad habit. We feel uncertainty and doubt, especially when those around us don’t want us to succeed. We ask ‘what if its the wrong choice?’ or ‘what if I fail?’. Quite often we actually do need to implement change in our lives but our minds convince us that things aren’t that bad, or we dwell on the conflict change brings in order to justify our continuing of bad practices. More so if we lack assertiveness.

Also trying to change a behaviour that has become so ingrained can be difficult as we have created a characteristic that others accept. Some people like us in our current position as it maintains the ‘pecking order’ and any change threatens the status quo of the relationship.

For example many years ago I and a few others in work stopped smoking. Some lasted a month or so, but I stuck at it. During that time when cravings were at their worst, a manager, who gave in after a week, would torment and tease me over it, accusing me of smoking at home or when out of the office. Years later I have long since left that place of employment but when our paths cross occasionally he would still offer me a cigarette and become agitated when I refuse, accusing me of being a secret smoker. In his mind I’d done something he couldn’t. The dynamic of the relationship had shifted.

And when we initiate change we risk upsetting a hierarchy in a group. We are going against social acceptance as friends or colleagues strive to maintain that hierarchy  Sometimes we feel its easier to back down and continue as we were as those around us tell us how wrong we are, never growing and hesitant to succeed.

However it is when we break away from the fear of others waiting to revel in our failure that we can begin to learn and grow from our mistakes and start living. A healthy thing to remember is that quite often it a fear of the fear rather than the thing itself. We have been wrong many times in our lives and have been able to learn and grow from it. When it comes to the reactions of others? As a dear friend of mine once said, ‘What other people think of me is none of my business’,

#fearofmistakes

Tags: anxiety, assertiveness, counselling, fear