Blame and blaming

I think it’s fair to say we don’t like to be blamed for things. Worse still if we’re innocent of any wrong doing or if someone is ascribing motives to us that are inaccurate. Yet blaming others is something we ourselves tend to when things go awry.

Calling someone an idiot or telling them they never get anything right is not feedback it’s abuse. I once knew a man in middle management who did just this. He would judge harshly and dish out blame for almost everything. Anything went wrong on his watch the first words out of his mouth were, ‘That’s the manager’s fault’, ‘That’s the staff’s fault’, ‘That’s the supplier’s fault’ and so on.

This kind of behavior may have made people nervous but no one respected him or wanted to work with him. Shouting insults at someone for making a mistake doesn’t address what led to the mistake or even how to do it better next time. Many people blame others aggressively and unfairly but all it shows is their own short comings and weaknesses.

The culture we live in at the moment is seems to be a blame and blaming culture. It’s sometimes as if we need someone to point the finger at. The thought of having a picnic ruined by heavy rain is too mundane. Who’s idea was it to have a picnic? Did they not take the weather into account and have a contingency plan and so on. Listen to journalists interviewing people in prominent positions such as politicians when something fails or goes wrong. Notice how they ask who’s fault it is. Notice the politician usually passes the buck onto circumstances, the opposition, other people and so on.

However look closer at the word blame. When I think of the word blame i think of fault, guilt, punishment, consequences etc. Sometimes just reframing or restructuring our own sentences can take the edge of how it sounds and make all the difference. Instead of ‘This is all my fault, I’m to blame’, how about, ‘I’m responsible for this’. I may be saying the same thing but accepting responsibility sounds like there’s something I can do about it.

#blamingothers

 

Tags: belfast, blame, blame culture, counselling, sentient counselling