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A Manipulative Relationship (2)
As mentioned yesterday here are some ideas to help if you find yourself in a manipulative relationship. One way to detect a manipulator is to observe them to see if they behave differently around different people. Although this is quite normal for all of us manipulators go from one extreme to the other, for example helpless to one person but aggressive to another.
So recognize you have the power over you, not the manipulator. You have the right to say no without feeling guilty. When you are saying no be diplomatic but firm. Don’t put yourself or allow yourself to be put under pressure to answer straight away. Perhaps say you’ll think it over. Give yourself time to practice saying no.
Try not to personalize what’s happening, remember the manipulators aim is to have you feeling inadequate or to feel blame for not satisfying them. You are not the problem. Perhaps ask yourself if the persons demands are reasonable, is it a one way relationship or even do you feel respected? The problem could be the relationship not you.
Sometimes putting the focus back on the person making demands can help them see how unfair they are being. Perhaps asking questions like, ‘Does that sound fair and reasonable to you?’, ‘Why would I do that?’, ‘Are you really expecting me to….?’ Of course the person realizing how unfair they are being depends on their level of self awareness. If they have a sense of self awareness they will back down after seeing the nature of what they’re doing. if they don’t they’ll more than likely dismiss your questions. In which case remember you are still the one in charge of you. The manipulator only wins if you surrender your autonomy.
Lastly it can be helpful to set boundaries and explain consequences. If the manipulator keeps crossing those boundaries then deploy consequences. We can be assertive without being aggressive. Given time this may cause the manipulator to shift from contempt to respect.
#manipulation #manipulativerelationship
This article was written by sentientcounselling