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Adult Children of Addicts
Growing up in a dysfunctional family where one or both parents are or were affected by addiction, for example alcoholism, can leave some people stuck at an earlier developmental stage in their lives. Sometimes because they haven’t learned to manage and process thoughts and feelings appropriately as adults. Some have said it feels as if they never really did grow up.
Later, as adult children of addicts they are just fine so long as things are ticking along smoothly. However as soon as they experience some kind of crisis they can react inappropriately. A victim mentality is quite common and some reactions and behaviours can include judging themselves harshly, having difficulty living in the moment, lying habitually, having difficulty with intimacy and trust. They often feel powerless over their own environment and constantly seek approval and affirmation from others.
Other common traits are swinging from either feeling responsible for everything or behaving irresponsibly. For example being set onto a particular project or course of action without really thinking it through. If it doesn’t go as planned then feelings of self-loathing and loss of control come as they try to fix things. Or they may just lose interest and abandon the project altogether.
Although these are very general and may apply some but not others, and there may well be other traits not mentioned, they can prevent someone from growing and developing as they become stuck in a cycle of repeated self-defeating behaviour.
It can be difficult reconciling the thought that someone who loved you so much could cause you so much distress, whether intentionally or not. The right therapist can help you explore the impact your parents addiction has had on you and the choices you make. Together you can explore what lies behind current thoughts, feelings and behaviours. You can learn how your past informs your present but doesn’t have to dictate your future. You can learn to challenge and address unhelpful all or nothing thinking. Together you can work on breaking the unhealthy cycle of self-defeating and self-loathing.
#childrenofaddicts #emotionallydistant #emotionallyvacant
This article was written by sentientcounselling