Controlling Behaviour

Many people who are uncomfortable not being in control of situations and circumstances are often labelled as control freaks. However the underlying causes of controlling behaviour often lies in feelings of insecurity and fear. This feeling of not having control, or indeed of being controlled can come from many different areas and leaves some people uncertain and scared. For example telling someone to dress or act or think a particular way, forbid them doing something you don’t want them to, get annoyed if someone does something differently from you and so on.

Whether deliberate or not controlling behaviour in a relationship can cause many problems. When a partner makes choices the other wouldn’t or feels differently about something it can lead to anger, resentment, and even lead to abusive behaviour. Trying to control another is bullying and can actually have the opposite affect to what was intended.

The person being controlled may feel unhappy and want to change the situation but fears the reactions of the controller, the person with the control issues may have difficulty talking about it as fear is at the root of the problem, the fear of no control. So on and on it goes.

In counselling you can openly discuss in a safe environment the difficulties in your relationship and both determine to change. The submissive partner can begin to develop self-confidence and assertiveness, the controller can establish why they feel the need to dominate and learn to let go. In both cases it often starts with something small to begin to reverse the unhealthy patterns of behaviour.

Together you can learn to build healthier balanced and mutually respectful relationship.

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Tags: abuse, anxiety, control, counselling, relationships