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Communication and Relationships
Usually when a relationship goes wrong it’s the communication where the problems begin. In fact communication, or lack of it may be the underlying theme running throughout most of the problems in your relationship. If we improve communication we may improve our relationships.
Differences, disagreements and arguments can often be traced back to difficulties in communicating. For example we may fear saying something in case we offend the other. Or we may not be able to articulate our position without becoming overly emotional and stop listening to the other person.
There’s more to communication than just saying something though. We need to be careful about our tone of voice, body language, use of language etc. Sometimes we even need to be mindful of what the other person is filtering what they hear. An example could be as one person says, ‘there’s no milk left’, the other person hears, ‘you’re not getting any tea’. Remember there is always more than one perspective so its’ okay to ask for clarification. ‘I’m not sure what you’re saying’, or, ‘how did you hear what I’ve said?’ are just a few examples of seeking clarification.
Some people find it easier than others to be open. Be patient and allow them to develop more open and appropriate ways of communicating rather than demanding answers. It can helpful to avoid yes or no questions. Instead encourage an opinion or explanation. Give your full attention and show you’re hearing them. Watch for their body language and be mindful of your own, for example making eye contact, folded arms etc
Lastly a good way to avoid conflict is to talk from your own point of view by starting with ‘I’. For example saying, ‘You really annoy me when you do that so stop it’, can leave the other person feeling accused and they could become defensive. Instead take ownership of what you’re feeling. For example ‘I feel really uncomfortable when you do that’, can sound more positive as isn’t accusing anyone of anything but rather addressing a behaviour.
If you think you would benefit from relationship counselling or mediation then contact Sentient Counselling in Belfast.
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This article was written by sentientcounselling