Face Your Feelings

To help face your feelings, particularly the ones that cause us distress, it can be helpful to begin seeing them in a different light. Like the monster under the bed we feared as a child, when the light came on we had no reason to fear.

For example anger is something we fear. We hate others being angry with us, it terrifies us. We hate how unpredictable our own anger can be, we don’t know where it’s going to lead us. However anger is what’s known as a secondary emotion. It is usually fuelled by something else, something we don’t like to feel like fear, shame, a sense of disempowerment or injustice. We call it anger as it brings up a sense in us that there’s something wrong we shouldn’t be feeling like this and it needs addressed.

When we recognize what is behind our anger we are in a better position to use it constructively. I often think a helpful way to look at anger is to remember that during the 1980’s many people all over the world got angry at the same time, were focused. At the end of the 80’s the Berlin Wall came down, and in 1990 Nelson Mandela was released from prison. Anger can be a positive force for good.

In counselling you can learn to name and accept your emotions as they are and as you begin to regulate then allow them to influence you rather than be something to dictate decisions or avoid altogether.

#facethefeelings

Tags: anger, anxiety, counselling, fear