Category archive: Just a thought

In the different areas of psychology there are what are referred to as defence mechanisms. These are ways in which we defend ourselves against unpleasant thoughts and feelings. Most defence mechanisms are automatic. They are instinctive. We act in a way that we often don’t know what we’re doing. There is nothing wrong with defence…

The Power of Empathy The power of empathy is often overlooked. We can all look at someone with a bruise and recognise that they’ve hurt themselves. Empathy is that ability to see the bruise and say, ‘wow that looks sore’. Empathy is what we feel from others when they show they understand, acknowledge and share…

Having good healthy boundaries are often signs of healthy self-esteem and confidence. In a good relationship people respect each other’s boundaries and values. They are crossed or ignored in unhealthy relationships. Some people will honour and respect another’s position and assertiveness and some will pour out scorn and contempt. They may claim you’re unreasonable, selfish…

What is meant by the term reactive abuse? It’s a term which can sometimes seem confusing. Here’s an example which hopefully illustrates it. Imagine two people. One is called Person A and the other called Person B. A and B are in a relationship. Person A begins poking Person B with a stick and here’s…

Opposites Attract There is an old saying that opposites attract. I think there can be a fair bit of truth in that, particularly between narcissists and co-dependents. The common trait between them both however is an unhealthy relationship with themselves. Co-dependant people have a poor relationship with themselves. Relying on others to validate their experiences…

Perfectionism is striving for something that is often unobtainable. If you are a perfectionist you probably don’t acknowledge your success even if you do reach it. In fact you’re already looking for somewhere to improve. Another way of looking at perfectionism is a fear of making mistakes. This can involve spending hours going over the same…

We often think in terms of being happier when we have more of what we like or less of what we don’t like. As we reflect on the past year with all it brought we think of what will make us happier. So with a new year often comes new resolutions. Have you ever noticed…

Is it okay to be in a relationship where you feel as if you don’t matter? When is it okay to not have your needs met? Is it reasonable to be told you’re selfish and wrong for having needs, values, and boundaries? Ever been left sometimes feeling as if you really are selfish for even having needs?…

How many times have you heard phrases like, “You have to earn my respect”, or, “Respect has to be earned”? I have heard that said many times in my life. There have been times when I’ve heard one person say it to another. Sometimes it has been said to me or about me. Other times I…