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    “Guilt is what I feel when I think about the consequences of what I’ve done. Shame is what I feel when others think about the consequences of what I’ve done.” Darren Magee The Power of Shame Shame is a very powerful and at the same time an uncomfortable emotion. It is something we experience when…

    Deep at our very core is a need to feel significant to someone. When we feel significant to someone who is significant to us there’s no feeling like it. Our heart skips a beat when we see the other person. We fantasize about them, we can’t take our eyes off them. We are fixated on…

    The power of validating and being validated can’t be understated. As human beings we all have a need to feel heard. To have others reflect and mirror us. We have a need to feel empathy from others. Even if at times it’s just for the sake of feeling sane we have a need to feel…

    Learned Behaviour Learned behaviour is often a result to an external stimulus. For example a child may learn that they will get burnt if they touch something hot. Therefore they learn to avoid touching hot things. As the child grows they learn new things and new behaviours. For instance adults generally don’t be on their…

    Erectile dysfunction (ED) is often associated with physical causes like circulatory problems. However there are also emotional and psychological problems associated with the condition. The dysfunction can not only cause emotional distress, but emotional factors can contribute to the dysfunction when the penis is capable of erection. The fear of ‘failing’ leads to an embarrassment…

    Narcissism When we hear the term narcissist we tend to think of a lack of empathy and extroverted grandiosity. We imagine overt control, manipulation and the abuse of others. However, like most characteristics there is a range of different shades and types, and narcissism is no different. The covert narcissist can be difficult to spot…

    Following on from last time here are some more defence mechanisms. Undoing Undoing is an attempt at taking back a thought, feeling or behaviour that is hurtful or unacceptable. An example would be offending someone then pouring out lots of flattery and praise in the hope of undoing the original offence. Intellectualization Intellectualization occurs when…

    In the different areas of psychology there are what are referred to as defence mechanisms. These are ways in which we defend ourselves against unpleasant thoughts and feelings. Most defence mechanisms are automatic. They are instinctive. We act in a way that we often don’t know what we’re doing. There is nothing wrong with defence…

    The Power of Empathy The power of empathy is often overlooked. We can all look at someone with a bruise and recognise that they’ve hurt themselves. Empathy is that ability to see the bruise and say, ‘wow that looks sore’. Empathy is what we feel from others when they show they understand, acknowledge and share…

    Having good healthy boundaries are often signs of healthy self-esteem and confidence. In a good relationship people respect each other’s boundaries and values. They are crossed or ignored in unhealthy relationships. Some people will honour and respect another’s position and assertiveness and some will pour out scorn and contempt. They may claim you’re unreasonable, selfish…

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