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Avoidant personality disorder can be characterized by a pattern of feelings of inadequacy, sensitivity to what others think and social inhibition. It can be quite a stifling and restrictive way to live. Some typical behaviours include: Restraint in intimate relationships because of fear of being shamed or ridiculed Inhibitions due to feelings of inadequacy Avoiding activities that…

Here are some questions for couples in therapy. If you and your partner are thinking about relationship counselling these might be useful questions to ask yourselves and each other. 1. What type of relationship do you want ? All relationships change. Circumstances change, children come along, financial status changes etc This is natural and normal….

So what happens in counselling? Feelings, thoughts and behaviours underpin our relationships and it’s helpful to examine where they came from. After the initial stage of telling your story and explaining your difficulties you and your counsellor can begin to unpick what underlies your feelings,  the thoughts behind them and the behaviours that both trigger bad sensations…

The fear of confrontation can be stifling. Sometimes we fear confronting others because we dwell on the consequences, such as an angry response or a damaged relationship. This is usually due to our beliefs around confrontation. One belief is that confrontation has to be ugly. Sometimes we believe that when you challenge someone, the relationship will always…

Reframing isn’t ignoring problems but seeing a different point of view about how things may be. It is like seeing things from a different angle. Reframing offers people alternative ways of viewing difficult situations. It involves putting a different perspective on things that are concerning, worrying or problematic. An example could be someone saying, “I just feel anxious all the time…

Cognitive Reframing is a useful way to help challenge our negative thoughts and self defeating behaviours. The first thing to remember is that events and situations do not have inherent meaning. We assign them a meaning based on how we interpret them. This can be difficult to accept, but when something bad happens to us, it’s only…

We all have triggers for our anger, things that make us snappy or lash out aggressively such as maybe a person pushing in front of a queue or feeling we’re being ignored. Understanding what these triggers are and re-examining our thoughts around them can be the first steps to understanding and managing anger. We can begin…

Understanding one another better can help us all improve our relationships. All our beliefs have developed over the whole of our lifespan.  We learn from our significant others such as parents, teachers, clergy, friends etc. We also learn from watching others for example in the playground, adults arguing, television and movies and so on. It’s…

Thinking about setting SMART goals? SMART goals are Specific, Measured, Achievable, Realistic and Time orientated. Specific – What exactly do you want to be?  Be positive!  “I want to get fit” rather than “I tired of being fat and lazy” Measureable – Getting thinner is not measureable.  Losing 5 pounds is.  Break down the bigger objective…